Hi everyone!! Hope you’re having a lovely week so far. How can it already be December? This year has passed so quickly, can’t believe it! December is my most nostalgic month and I always find it’s the perfect moment to reflect.
As I’m a very impatient woman, I’m always living in the future. This is something I found funny when I was younger but it’s become one of my biggest battlefields, specially work related. Always planning things ahead, in need to control future situations and the feeling that all my work problems would disappear if I had a crystal ball.
Being an organised person can be really helpful to achieve your goals but it can also be really overwhelming. As I reflect on this year, I think that I’ve overplanned too much and put too much pressure on myself stopping me from being present. This has also caused so much anxiety and stress on my that it’s been the first year I’ve felt lost many times.
Not having control over things lead me to overthink way too much. To think I was doing things wrong because I couldn’t control them. And to stop doing what I love because I was too busy thinking how to control everything. Out of a week I was lately having 5 really bad days and 2 so so. As I reflect, I think I know where all this excessive control comes from. I’ve always been very independent. I was an only child for 9 years which meant I had to play by myself most times boosting my imagination but also rooting that feeling of control.
At the age of 12 up until 17 I joined the kayaking team of my city, which was most of the times an individual sport. And then, I studied most of my degree at an open university, so I was responsible for my study timetable and so my results. I’m used to working hard to get results. The more I work the better I do, and this is totally related to control. If I have control over the amount of work I do, I have control over my results. However, as I said, not everything in life works this way and I need to realise that.
Because no matter how much you plan, there are many things out of your control and I need to accept that. I can’t control everything. I don’t have a crystal ball and even if I did, things happen when they have to and the way they are meant to.
I’ve already started working on this (just started meditating and seems to be helping me a lot) but one of my goals for 2019 is to let things flow. To focus on each and every day and forget a little bit about the future. To work step by step and enjoy the process because there’s just going to be one “today”. I would also love to know what you think about control in your life and how it affects you.